It is true now. That every red blooded Kikuyu man has hankered after a Luo woman at least once in his life. It is not a love or desire that can be easily explained away with words. No, it is deeper. It is in the way they step, and their waists wiggle like Nam Lolwe at sunset. Legs that look and feel like a skyscraper in Dubai…endless! A behind that is fuller than a granary in Eldoret after the maize harvest. Skin darker than our politician’s hearts! If her body was regulated by the Traffic Act. It would be an illegality. It has too many curves.
You can imagine walking her home after “dundaing” on a Friday night and getting stopped by 2 cops. They ask you to kindly get into the back of the pickup so they can escort her to the police station. Since you are a man! You try to talk to them, “si mchukue hii 50 Bob.” Akinyi is silent. You can feel the fire growing in her. You have told her to say nothing, because you both know her mouth lacks speed governors. If she speaks, you will very likely spend the weekend in jail. Only to be charged with loitering with intent to go home, on Monday. The cops insist you part with 500 Bob, you only have 300. And that is fare plus breakfast tomorrow. After all, Jaber cannot eat bread with just tea. It must be accompanied by some protein.
The reasonable cop is about to accept the 100, he leaves you with 200 Bob. Until the other cop stops, looks at her intently and shouts, “your waist is illegal bwana!” Before throwing both of you into the car. He is jealous, you know it. The envy of other men. It is the price you pay daily for dating her, you pay gladly. But ooooh when she smiles…Lord! It will be worth it. But remember, she is a proud woman. She does not smile with or for just anyone. It is an honor she bestows on only the rarest of men. When it happens, you are best advised to appreciate and bask in it.
Like her brothers, the Luo woman is born a scholar. She can enunciate Confucian thought just as easily as she can tell you, that there is nothing between your ears. She is a warrior. If she wanted she could trace her lineage directly to the chiefs of Kano.
Akinyi is politically awake. I confess, that some of our religious leaders have warned us to stay far, far away from you. That your curves, meanderings of black goodness dipped in honey will lead a good man off the straight path. But the sight of you fighting for what is right can only be described with one word….Glorious!
But all that means nothing, until a Luo woman loves you back. Repeat after me son of the soil, “I have not been loved until a Luo woman has loved me!” They love as they do all things…passionately! And yes, they are passionate about all things. As the Honorable Member of Parliament for Suba once postulated, “the passion of a Luo woman is only seen at night.” I have paraphrased, kidogo tu.
The way she calls your name is different. You’ve never heard it sound so beautiful before. It’s like water bursting forth from a spring. No longer are you Kariuki ule wa hardware! You are a business man with diverse holdings; one which is an entity that specializes in construction materials. Her mouth adds value, you will be wise to appreciate it.
Wait until she is mad at you. Lord! My ancestors used to say, “inegene riaku ricamaga ta royco!” Meaning, “woman, the noise you make is sweeter than Royco.” They forget you know only 3 words in dholuo. “Pesa otas, rabuon, and nyoyo.” You understand nothing else, but she does look sexy when mad! They are nothing short of Queens.
Akinyi, daughter of the lake. If you ever need to get mad at someone, I am here. I should mention that a Luo woman will definitely upgrade you son of Gikuyu. No longer will you be upset by simple things such as the Lorry with all the warus has broken down at Kinangop. Or that the cops at Kenol have impounded your Probox for the third time this month. No! You will find out finally, that it is not illegal for a Kikuyu man to drive a Mercedes or to wear Italian suits. After all, they did say Nyadhi must be met with Nyadhi. Style with style
Nyar Jaluo, in mwandu, i jaber, ing’ama duong’ ahinya. Erokamano kuom bedie. Erokamano nyaminwa.
Translation – Courtesy Miss. W. Henga
Meanwhile, I wrote a book. Rather, I was part of a collective that wrote a book. It’s called, “When a stranger called and other short stories.”